When HIV struck in 2006, my hopes for ever having another baby were crashed. I hated men onwards and having sex became history to me. Any man i met and felt he was going that direction too fast, i would go quiet and quit. This happens even today. I am one of those women that believe that sex should be the last thing to talk about in a relationship. When a man begins with it, then he can be assured that he isn't seeing me one more time. This i maybe corrected by many and i must admit it has been the cause of my being single since i refuse to entertain anyone who wants to bring my pants down.When i got my first job, news of new-borns were not so frequent within our circles. Infact, death news were more frequent. My heart would crash once i heard of passing on of a person i knew so well and their struggle with HIV. Some of these memories i hate to remember.
In the month of April, my mentor Asunta gave birth to twins. This was the third time she was having a baby while i knew her personally. Hmmm the babies are lovely. She has beaten all the odds to have her family of five sons. She was not alone, other two friends have gotten babies and most adorable girls. One i just peeped at her inside a nursery this morning. She was born on Sunday.
For sometime now i have been having this overwhelming desire for a baby girl. Its eleven years since i held my newborn and now have forgotten even how to hold one. What i am not sure about is how to make sure she comes out a girl. When i talked to Asunta and read her diary, i could feel her desire for a baby girl. But she ended up giving up after the twin boys.
My mind wants a girl yes but i have to consider what i have gone through with Kev without a father. Is that what i want for my girl? Still thinking. I have goggled all ways to get a baby without having to go through sex and i found its not so expensive and with about 50K i would be able to conceive. Still not conclusive on this.
My mother desired to have girls, but she only managed to have me. I have not been happy alone but at least i have her. In my Kikuyu tradition, i should name my girl after my mum. This is what i want so much. I hold mum so dear to me and i really need to take care of her as she did to me.
So far, the only thing i am sure about is that i desire to have a baby girl. But how to get there is what i am not sure about. I know i will follow doctors instructions to the latter to ensure baby Wambui comes out free of HIV. I am waiting. It will be so exciting to feel pregnant.
Hey there! isn't it good for a single girl to dream during the day at times?
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