Since August, i have been having worries which i do not understand where from. Come September, more worries especially related to my work.
September is the month i was born and the realization that i am not growing younger is giving me sleepless nights. I have been having problems sleeping, been feeling uneasy, have been having muscle tension and my usual nausea and generalized lack of appetite.
Kev went back to school at the beginning of September. Since my boy left I have been feeling lonelier lately yet i have been single and living alone for the last six or more years. I wonder what could be happening or those who have passed through my age can help unravel this mystery.
I recently held a meeting with a senior advisor/consultant with an international organization and during our discussion, he inquired how many years i worked here. I told him four though i knew it was more than four. Surprised he was and he told me i needed to move for more growth and exposure. The other thing we discussed was my education. He told me if i wonna remain competitive and relevant in my field i have to consider enrolling for a masters degree. The third discussion was about me and motherhood. Kev is now eleven and i am yet to have a second born. He told me jokingly that he would offer himself to be a dad to my second born. Hmmmm i took his first and second advise very seriously. Lately though i have been having this urge to have a daughter. Of course i could not share with him that i have been having this urge lest he finds an opportunity to pester me.
Several changes have happened at work.Some major contracts are coming to an end this year, and though with hopes of renewal, its definitely gonna be shaky in the next few months. Bearing in mind the financial implications to the organization, the effects are going to be felt by each individual personnel.
The worst nightmare in this our beloved country is job search. Though done a few applications here and there, i am yet to receive any invitation for interview. Its this fear of the unknown that has brought all this anxiety into my life. Unfortunately since i dont know how to deal with it, i have kept away from friends, my blog, and have not been myself. This morning, i was called and asked why i did not attend a meeting that i had been sent. I sincerely did not have an answer simply because i forgot. My memory has also been affected. I wonna be out of this anxiety soonest. I dont wonna get to Chrismas like this. I think i can only turn to the almighty for divine intervention
