When sex is not fun but a form of slavery- Cougar Relationships in Nairobi

When this group of young men invited me to their meeting, i had no idea what awaited me. 

I had met Mark some years back as a student and i had no idea how he survived in this Nairobi without a job yet he was always smart. I knew his background so well so i obviously knew that his support did not come from his parents. On entering his house one day, i was served with Amarula which i chose to drink from a variety of wines in his fridge. Mark lives a flashy lifestyle but he is not smiling. He invited me to visit his friends.

The meeting was in a young man's house which was a self contained, one bedroom and well furnished. The young man is in 2nd year at the University and is only 22. He only leaves this house only to attend class otherwise any other time he has to be accompanied. The only reason he agreed i get into his house was because i was with my friend Mark.

I am small sized.They say i look 19 year old and others 21. As Mark later told me, this was the main reason the group of eight young men who range between 19 and 25 years felt comfortable discussing with me their issues. They are in what they called slavery of sex.

All the eight young men are in cougar relationships. Two of them are HIV positive. The women they date cannot be named here for fear of dire consequences. They are women in big positions of honor who are respected in their fields and are excellent performers.

Mark who is my friend for years now is very close to me. But he sometimes does disappear from me without trace where he is unavailable even on phone. Its in this meeting that he finally wanted to let the cat out of the bag. Mark started his story and the others followed. I felt like i was watching a movie. The young men are not entitled to making any decision in these relationships. They are to follow instructions.They are not allowed to date younger girls, when their mamas are on leave, they leave Nairobi for weeks to have 'fun'. Sometimes they even travel outside the country. 

When it began, the young men were in it for the money. They needed the money so much that nothing else mattered then. But now, the women do not give them their space. The relationships are emotionally draining. Mark, Ken and Kelvin have not been performing well in school because often, they miss classes. For the two that are HIV positive, its worse. Despite informing their women that they are infected, they are not allowed to discuss condom use. The women take care of their treatment. Kelvin and Mose narrated of how their genitals ache every time they have vigorous activity with the women. The women are out to try out all the styles they never did while they were young. Kelvin paused this question to me, is there Viagra for women, i did not answer but promised to do my research so that i would answer later.

After that meeting, it has been months. I have not gone back despite being requested by Mark to attend. There is so much i do not understand. As i always say i am not a judge so i judge no one. The reason i have kept away is because the young men needed a solution which i did not have. They have the solution themselves! I did my part by giving them advice and now its up to them to decide. Latest from Mark is that all eight have decided to stay put.