Susan's Confession

I had gone for my usual clinic appointment when i sat next to a lady at the waiting bay. I am not usually talkative in real life and keep to myself, wait until am served and then leave quietly as i came. But this day was different. My neighbor seemed uncomfortable being quiet and she managed to introduce herself to me. I think she really wanted to vent out on this day because i must say she was bold enough to talk to me considering how i put a 'don't talk to me face' while at the clinic.

Susan is her name. She lives in Nairobi's Eastlands area. She began her story. Susan is 34 years old now and i couldn't help to notice how handsome her son was as she kept on cuddling him as we waited to be served. Her son Brian is now eight months. She informed me that he was so far negative and she was excited over this. She had followed all the PMTCT guidelines to the later to ensure she did not make any mistake.

She had reasons why she had been too cautious. Susan had been on the dating scene for years. At first she had opted to marry only a Hiv positive man. But as her biological clock ticked, she got impatient. One day, she felt she couldn't take it anymore. She was determined to have a family yet no man was forthcoming. HIV had become a barrier to her happiness. She decided that she would put hiv at the back of her mind and open herself to dating any man who liked her. What she dreaded most was the likelihood of being asked to go for a HIV test by a prospective boyfriend. 

Chris came along. He was all over her within no time and he did not bother to ask her to go for a test. She decided she wasn't going to loose him. She decided to keep mum over her HIV status. With time, Chris proposed and she definitely rushed to the suggestion of living together. She wanted a baby so much that within the first six months, she had already conceived baby Brian.

To date, two years later, HIV has never been a subject in their family. Susan chose to live with her secret and therefore cannot discuss safe sex in her marriage. That is the sacrifice she had to take to have a family. However, Susan still continues with her clinic appointments and adheres to her treatment as instructed by the doctors. She had to change pill time to accommodate herself to the time her husband is away. Thanks to her being cautious, she is yet to be caught by her husband nor has he ever been suspicious. For now they are living a happy family with HIV buried under the table. I only wish that HIV does not rear its ugly head soon but Susan told me she would cross the bridge when she gets there. For now what matters to her is her family; Chris and Brian. 'If i had continued to disclose my status to every Dick and Harry who approached me, Chris and Brian would be nowhere' she told me.

I cannot judge Susan. I myself i am a victim of trapping a man into making me pregnant just because i wanted a baby so much. We always blame it on the biological clock but to me its more than that. Its the urge to find love in the crudest means possible. For Susan, Brian loves her unconditionally and same here, i am sure that baby Wambui will love mummy unconditionally too. 
We may have committed sin if judged by the human folk, but the search for unconditional love and the need to belong overcame us to do this. Under the sexual offenses act 2009, Susan would be jailed for intentionally infecting Chris if Chris discovers her secret and if he tests HIV positive. Yes what we have done is not right both in law and in the Bible. I totally agree. But we already did it and its now in the past. Judging us would be like crying over spilt water.
I know Susan and I are not alone. There are many other women out there who do crazy things. We are not exceptional in any way. Today i was on Google and guess what i goggled? "Pregnant with my ex's baby" and that alone gave me more than 88million results. Oooops i am not alone.