Killer Mothers(Kenyan way of calling women who carry out abortion)

In 2010, Kenya adopted a new constitution that explicitly permits abortion when there is need, in the opinion of a trained health professional, for emergency treatment; if the life or health of the woman is in danger; or if it is permitted under any other written law. However, there are more than 2000 deaths and health complications among the 21,000 women who terminate pregnancies in Kenya each year. 

No woman in Kenya will admit being in the 21,000 statistics. Reason being its still illegal and  fear of stigma ;And not just that you will be termed immoral, killer mother, murderer and in case your church discovered you ever aborted you will be excommunicated.

On May 26th 2013, i watched a documentary/video on K24 TV dubbed Killer Mothers and i couldn't help noticing the bias. Even our Kenyan media, the fourth estate have not been left out in demonizing abortion. I Pauline Zawadi will never understand why Kenyans would rather bury their  heads in the sand rather than talk about it. Because of this, post-abortion care is not available and where it is women delay getting treatment for abortion complications because they do not recognize the need for care soon enough or because they fear of stigma and hostility from health care providers.
So who do women turn to? To the Backstreet of-course. 
In my adult life, i have lost count of the women who have shared with me about planning to abort, how to abort, their experiences after abortion etc. They range from married women to young girls to single mothers like me. Worse of all, abortion is a female problem. Men are never available at this time. They are actually the reason why women abort. In this country, contraceptives are available but so many men claim their women will go cold if they use them. Among young people, postinor 2 is just outside the corner and anytime anywhere. 
In my world as a single mother struggling to feed one son, i am obviously not ready for another baby. I would imagine plus HIV and the stress. Okay let me not talk about myself. Racheal, Mercy, Jackie and Hellen are my friends. Rachel was gang raped at Kariobangi. She went to Eastleigh and did abort. Mercy had just received a Visa to the US, the pregnancy had come the wrong time. Jackie is married and has HIV, her sexual partner would not hear of him being a father with his HIV status! For Hellen, she is just a school girl born with HIV, she hates the fact that she has the virus. She does not tell any man about her status for fear of rejection, she does not bring the subject of condom use for fear of suspicion.
As for me, i will never judge, being in that shoe is not easy. I understand!

All i wanted is love and i have found it in my two boys

When mama Blessings came to see me recently with her two handsome boys i could not help notice how beautiful she was. The 38 year old mother had been referred to me by her salon client after she narrated her story. In this our world, every woman has a story.

I thank God for blessing me with the gift of being a good listener. I sat to listen to Rose having to cope too with her hyperactive son who kept on interrupting our discussion.

Rose was nineteen years old when she bid goodbye to her parents to go and study abroad. She was to go and undertake a course in Tourism studies in the UK. After one year in London, she met a young Congolese man who fell in love with her and within no time they were having sex. The relationship happened so fast and after some time, she started experiencing illness. She was diagnosed with TB and further tests revealed she also had contracted HIV.

Rose had to come back home without completing her studies. She felt ashamed of what she had done to herself and family. She hated herself. On disclosing her status to her family, hell broke loose. She was thrown out of her home by those who were supposed to show her love. Father, mother, brothers and sisters became her worst enemies. Out in the cold, struggle for survival began. Rose admits that with her kind of background and then sudden poverty, coping was very difficult.

Rose has tried to have a baby five times. Her first born died early while she has had two miscarriages. The father of her children is a married man. I asked her why she went ahead to have children yet she was struggling to feed them. Her answer was, "All i wanted was love. Love that is unconditional, and here it is. my children love me and i love them so much, they give me a reason to smile"

Rose now lives a day at a time, doing what she knows best hairdressing and artwork. There is no doubt she is talented. But am in tears, why did this have to happen to such a beautiful young woman? Her dreams were shattered. The only support Zawadi can give is hope and a little money to start a business. I did and this morning she called, she had been thrown out of her rented house for three months rent arrears and used the seed fund that i gave her. She is back to the cycle of poverty.

It was through Transactional sex that i got infected with HIV

The first time i saw a HIV positive person was in 1994 at age 13 in Nanyuki district hospital where my brother who was being treated for TB had been admitted. By then, HIV and TB patients had a joint special ward that was situated behind the main hospital away from other wards. Ken looked thin and his voice was faint. As i continued visiting my brother Ken's health deteriorated fast and he died. Ken's scary look got stuck in my head and when i went for a Sunday service one day the preacher warned us of a killer disease AIDs that was as a result of 'sleeping around'. 

The sermon further emphasized on faithfulness in marriages. I vowed to have sex only after i get married. I kept my word. Eight years later, I got married and within one year i was pregnant. Marriage however did not work for me as it became clear to me that my husband was a wife batterer. I left in my second year with him. It was tough in Likii village, slum. I struggled to survive. When i could not feed my son i decided to take him to my mother who would take better care of him.

I became a single mother living in Nanyuki 'mwisho wa reli'. It did not long to get noticed by an army man. This is a town where the army have been for years including the 'njonis' the british army. James was loving, caring and honest. He gave me the idea of going back to school which i embraced with joy. He agreed to support me with my studies only if only i became his girlfriend. I thought there was no harm though he was a married man.

During my second year at the university, i developed a cough that never went away despite medication. It became so persistent that i left school to rest at home. I became better after a week and on my way to school, i sat next to a lab technician who volunteered to test me once we got to our destination at his clinic. He conducted a TB test and further advised me to go for a HIV test at the nearest VCT center across the road.  I walked to the VCT and on counseling and receiving the test, the counselor said 'Am sorry your test is positive'. He then gave me a referral to a comprehensive care center.  JAMES HAD INFECTED ME WITH HIV.