Kev's father was a batterer-my confession

Yesterday was Fathers day. I took time to meditate on the memories of the men who have left a mark in my life. I never saw my dad so i cannot talk much about him, but i will always be grateful to be his daughter. My brothers are all dads, i hope one day we shall get close. How about the father to my son? Hmmmm this is the story.....
When i met Moses, he was loving and kind. Life had not treated me so well after school and having disagreed with my brothers and i moved out, i was going through hardships. I did not take time to learn the man i started to date at only 19.

I was working as a casual laborer in Nanyuki, the town known best as 'Mwisho wa reli'. This is where i met Moses who was working at a firm close to ours. We became close and sooner than later i was visiting his home where his mum lived. His mum would welcome me warmly and i would feel so loved. All of a sudden i had met a family that showed me love which had not been the case at home. 

Seven months into the relationship, i conceived in July 2001. I was only two months to celebrating a two decade life. My journey of motherhood began. My pregnancy was without issues and on 25th March 2002, i walked to Nanyuki District Hospital where Kev was born. He weighed 2kgs. 

I will never forget the day i left hospital, on 26th, because for the first time, Moses hit me. I did not know this was to become the order of the day for me thereafter. I had joined Moses for a come we stay arrangement immediately i realized i was pregnant. I had never known that Moses was not ready for my baby until he started his usual fights. He also would not bring any food home and i had to depend on his mother. He would come home while drunk late into the night, wake me up with the baby and throw us out. I vividly remember the countless nights i spent outside with nowhere to go.

This continued and i felt i could not take the humiliation anymore.His mother took sides with him and it also became obvious to me he was sleeping with other women. By the fifth month, he brought a sexually transmitted infection. I hated him so much then that any time he wanted to have sex with me it would result to fights and if he won he forced it.

I moved out of the house and rented my own small one roomed house. Life here was hell. I would get food from well wishers and when i did not we slept hungry. I wont talk about rent or clothing because i was not even able to pay or buy any new clothes. Kev was so tiny as he had been born one month earlier and neighbors sympathized with me a lot. I would go look for casual labor with Kev on my back. It was not only difficult to find work but also finish any due to hunger and Kev's crying at the same time. By this time, i could feel Kev was crying because my breasts hardly produced any milk.

One day while washing clothes at a certain home, i thought of the prodigal son's story in the bible. All this time, i believed mum still loved me despite my brothers hatred for me. I did not finish the wash, i walked from that home to my mother and cried my all. Mum was shocked to see me with a baby. All this time, Kev's name was Edwin as named after birth by his father. I never told mum his name and after crying so much i did not give any details to mum on how i had been living but walked away leaving my son behind. Mum named him Kev and their life together began. Today we laugh about it when she reminds me of how she would attend village meetings and people would wonder where she got a baby all of a sudden. Thank God Kev is my look alike and they would not inquire further once they looked at the boy.

I went back to the town, this time vowing to do anything to bring up my son. I trusted mum would take good care of Kev the same way she did take care of me. And she has. Kev today is a wonderful boy. Though mum's support has widened the rift between me and my brothers to a level that they have refused to support her, i have vowed to support her through thick and thin because she has supported me all this time. Sometimes i wonder what i would have done if mum was not there.Mum and Kev are my reason to live. Despite my HIV, i work hard to ensure they are well fed and cared for. As long as i am alive, i will not disappoint,they can count on me!