I recently decided to obey my urge of wanting to have a baby girl. First it was to find the man who would sire me a baby. I thought one from a different country would be good as he would sire the baby but due to distance, wont bother me with wanting to see his daughter. But the man from another country had secretly guarded his marriage for he knows i would not want to have any business with a married man. I discovered just in time of his marriage and i cut links immediately and no amount of sorry would make me change my mind.
My other option was only my ex who we met on the net and have been friends for five years now. We broke up over the fact that we were from different hater tribes and that i was a mother to a boy. Though i did not take his reasons lightly, i decided to accept and move on. But he happens to be the only man i would want to have a baby with and not regret that i ever did it.
So i decided to trap him. I already managed to do it for one month but last evening i realized i had not been successful and i am imagining that i will have to try again this month, next one and i dont know till when.
Many may not approve of what i am doing,but i alone hold the driver's wheel of my life. Aging is catching up me. With my condition, getting a baby at a younger age poses lesser health risks. I must say that i have refused to settle down with many men who have wanted. I like to see someone in my future and if i cant see you there then i got to spend as little time as possible with you. The kind of man i want is ideal and therefore does not exist anywhere and i do not want to place my fragile heart on someone who does not understand. Other times i find myself at crossroads having to choose between my son Kev and a man where Kev obviously comes first. Oh i wasnt talking about a man here but my baby girl.
My mother only had me as a daughter and i usually feel her when she says she wishes she had more daughters than sons because when the sons got married they abandoned her but am still there because she is the most important mother in the world. I want to feel the same. I want my daughter to grow and become beautiful like i am but i dont want her to go through what i went through. I want her to be born free of hiv and i hope it shall be so.
As for now, i hope my ex remains in my box without knowing what i am up to otherwise my dream may not come true if he happens to get wind of it.
3 comments:
@Pauline, you can have it with who ever suites your quality but I hope all the precautions associated are on your tips if he's -ve. I believe you'll apply your counseling wisdom on it.
Yes Positive Counselor, i am taking all precautions. But i chose a positive partner other than having to inconvenience a negative one.
Hi Pauline? It seems your life is just very similar to mine. Though my baby is a girl. I finally got her with a man who infected me but he denied fathering her which am okay with as I wanted a baby after being positive from 1996.
I got my Ex who has known my status since 1997 who thought he wanted to marry me but when he came back from the USA a few months ago he treated me like a dog and i decided to end the r/ship. Though am a POZ am still human and deserve to be treated better.
I know I still have a bright future ahead of me and I will get a man who will treat me like a Queen I am.
Thanks for sharing.
"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, What! You too? I thought I was the only one." Haille Selassie
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