How will Kev handle the knowledge of his mother's HIV status?

Yesterday i visited Kev at school. I was among the first parents to arrive. This time i had woken up early to ensure i arrive as early as possible. The last time i visited he cried so much that i am a mother who always arrive late. He actually refused to eat the food i had taken so much time to prepare only to allow those that had joined me to visit him have all of it. So yesterday i ensured am alone with him for like an hour before everyone else arrived. Once he saw me, he came running to me screaming ''muuuuuum'. He was full of excitement and on seeing what he likes most; junk food, he was over excited. I let him have as much as he could. I allowed him to narrate to me how school had been including teachers and classmates, his trip earlier to Menengai crater, his need for more pocket money etc. I could see a boy who is so proud of his mother. 

As i traveled back to Nairobi, it got me thinking. Kev does not know my biggest secret. He is the reason why i am Pauline and not my real name here. Some day he will know, how will he take it? Will he judge his mother? I got HIV after i had already separated with his father, will he judge me after knowing that i had sexual relations with another man other than his father? What if he knew that i had engaged myself sexually with an older man? Will he believe me that i did it so that him and i can have a brighter future? Will he think that i am dying and that he might be left an orphan? Will he stop loving me as his mother? Will he forgive me? ........ These are the questions that bother me so much anytime i think of letting the cat out of the bag.

Kev is growing so fast and sooner than later, he will need to know the truth. As his mother this sometimes makes me have sleepless nights. I would not want anyone other than me to tell him about it. For now i want him to have the best. All that i could not get at his age i try my best to provide. He is my reason for living and so my priority in this world.

I noted Kev has added weight. His skin is very smooth and i can finally see what a handsome young man i am bringing up. In addition, all teachers praised him of his discipline, his good work as the class prefect and his continued improved performance. I could not help cry last night as i thought so much of him and I. Its my hope that we shall remain as best of friends and with love even when he discovers the reason why i have to be on lifelong medication.