Denial/Fear of stigma of a HIV positive status

Despite readily available drugs and programs in Kenya , fear and stigma continue to keep some HIV-positive people from seeking treatment, care and support. Some hide in their high CD4 counts and others in their "am healthy" looks. Some even do not want to join a support group of people living with HIV for fear of being discussed. Almost all HIV positive persons go through a period of denial the only difference is the length of time it takes.

For me, my biggest fear was the pill burden. I thought it would not be easy to take medication all my life. I dragged into making a decision until my count was too low and thought was dying and everyone i met told me to start otherwise i would get to stage 4. The fear of contracting a combination of infections drove me to accepting to have a daily alarm that reminds me of popping just like a bell would. Its now a routine, i am used and have persevered the famous side effects. In this i can comfortably say i have conquered. 

Yesterday i had a girls meeting. It was a day to meet and just let out what is in our lives. Time was so short and it grew dark so fast. But the story of Esther touched me. Esther tested positive in 2006. She feared to tell anybody in her family about her changed HIV status. She lives with a step father and her mother with other step siblings. Due to this, other children in the home do not recognize her. Her testing positive changed her attitude towards life and she went into denial. During this time, she engaged herself in alcohol abuse, and she accidentally got pregnant. 

The news of her pregnancy were not welcome at her home and she was chased out of the home. She went to live with the granny far away from her family. Her family only came to her rescue when she was admitted in hospital and had no money to pay for the bill. She however delivered her baby and went back to the granny's home. She had opted to exclusively breastfeed. Her granny had no knowledge about exclusive breastfeeding nor would Esther tell her anything lest her family got wind of it. She therefore allowed her granny to feed her baby girl with all manner of baby food. The baby's health deteriorated fast and she died later of pneumonia. 

It was in 2008 that her mother accompanied Esther to hospital and her status was disclosed. Her mother who is diabetic fainted as a result. Afterwards, Esther narrated to her mother that she knew her status all along and that it was the same reason why her daughter had passed on. The mother was so devastated. She blamed herself for not supporting her daughter when she needed her most.

I believe something would have been done to save Esther's baby. Esther too could have done all she could to save her baby. But all that is gone. Its because of HIV related stigma and discrimination that this happened. Good Social support systems are important for a favorable disclosure environment. But they were not there for Esther. Interventions targeted to HIV affected households need to be up-scaled in order to reduce stigma. This way those living with HIV will be in a friendly environment to cope with the virus.