Mum and i are the only women in my nuclear family. I have three brothers all adults, two of whom are married. My brothers and i happen to have been born not too closely but with an age difference of at least four years.
Our first born is married with two children. His wife hates mum and i with passion. She recently influenced her husband to move out of our ancestral home to go to a far town. Her husband and i have never been close because all my childhood he beat me for no reason at all. For him, he called it discipline. One incident i remember vividly was when i had to go to the river eight times carrying two five litre jerricans and i had to reach home while full with water. It was torturous to say the least. By the time i was doing it for the seventh time, every part of me was aching and so i took longer than usual to bring water home. I received a beating for overstaying at the river playing with other girls as he said.
Our second born brother was my closest childhood friend but we grew distant after school. We were both very bright in school and we always made our mother proud when we were awarded for exemplary performance. But come college level, i outsmart him and we were friends no more. He kept on whining on how mum favors me. He too left home a few months ago. He told mum on her face he does not need any inheritance. She can give all to me if she wills.
Our last born came at a time when i thought that i would always remain the last born. As a baby, he stole all the attention mum had for me. I hated being told to carry him on my back as mum went on her daily house chores. Other times i would be left to tend to him the whole day which seemed like a century.
When we were young, mum treated us the same. We were brought up in a very religious background. We prayed after waking up, any time we were having meals and before sleeping, she taught us to always love each other. Every Sunday we had to go to church. I joined Sunday school at an early age and from the onset i loved singing.
My brothers and i today are better off called strangers. We do not communicate and when we try it turns out chaotic.As a result, i live in this world as a loner. The only person who understands and feels me is mum. But my brothers see it as favoritism.
There are things that i cannot discuss with mum obviously. Like my HIV status is under lock and key. My dating too, i cannot share with her when i feel lonely. Sometimes loneliness take its toll on me and i have no one to share with. Its is not anything i would share with colleagues too, they may not understand. However, knowing very well there is nobody i can cry to or nag about what i am going through, i have learnt to be strong.To be my own comfort. For now i cant wait for Kev to be older who i can tell all that i go through. i believe he will understand his mother.
I wish i had a sister because when i get into a friendship with a lady, its not just friendship. I treat her like a sister. Most have left because of the attention i demand unknowingly. With my age now, most of my friends are married. They cannot give any attention, their husbands and children need them more.
What if i had a sister? Maybe things would be different am not sure. The things that heavily stress me probably would have been half solved because my sister would feel me.
No comments:
Post a Comment