To be a second wife hmmmmm No.

More often than not, the temptation to accept being a second wife is quite tempting especially for single mothers and when age is going upwards and nothing is forthcoming. Several men beyond the age of 40 have approached me for marriage(despite knowing my HIV positive status).

Take for example Marcus.

Marcus is 48 years old now and a father of four. His children are all grown up some working and others at university level. The wife is a civil servant working in upcountry. Marcus therefore lives in Nairobi with his children who are never in most of the time. Whenever we meet, Marcus tells me he feels lonely. At first, i trusted him because of the respect i had for him. We met during my pregnancy 12 years ago. He used to sell baby clothes and so i frequented his shop. Back then he was not as rich. He did not even own a car. Recently, he told me i deserve to be loved despite my status. Up to now he awaits my decision.....that of agreeing to be his second wife.

James who infected with the HIV died at 45. He was a married man. His plans were that as soon i was done with school, he would marry me as his second wife.

My mum was a second wife. She married my dad when she was only 19!. My dad then was 40.His other eight children were young adults. In fact the first born was her age mate. My dad died when my mum was pregnant with me and so i never got the opportunity to see my dad. My mama says i took after dad. Oh how i wish i touched you dad. Anyway that's a subject for another day.

All my life i and my family suffered the humiliation of my mum's choice to be a second wife. Unfortunately, dad was not there for comfort and to stamp his authority.

I vowed that never in my life will i make the mistake of making the same choice. Unfortunately, men this kind are usually so fatherly. They tend to provide that fatherly love i missed all my life. They are the best when it comes to decision making. Unlike young men who are not sure what they want in a woman, these ones know exactly what they want. Young men set preconditions in their minds and as a result most of them end up being players since once they notice you don't meet one of the condition, they jump to another without notice. Many women cry to my shoulders after giving their all in a relationship then it ends like switching off an electric switch. The man wakes up one day and says its over and does not care about the feelings of his partner.

So what have i decided in this matter? I am never going to be a second wife. period